Wednesday, February 25, 2015

Success Is....

Success is a strange word. And it's measured individually based on goals and timelines. Sometimes success takes months- maybe even years. And sometimes it's daily. Moment by moment even.

I feel success today. I feel success, because I did a two hour workout last night; a one hour yoga class that actually challenged me and a one hour workout at the gym including cycling, walking, and strength training. I feel success, because I tracked all of my food the last seven days; every single bite & morsel. I feel success, because I can feel both my body AND my mind getting stronger. I feel success, because my habits are changing for the better. And lastly, I feel success, because I stepped on the scale this morning for my very first weekly Weight Watchers weigh- in....and it read 6.4 lbs lighter than seven days ago.

6.4 pounds.

Joy. I think that's the right word... I felt joy today, because I had been feeling like such a failure. I want to be healthy- for my sake, for my son's sake, and the sake of everyone I love. And I know what I need to do. I know who I yearn to be. As I'm thinking about it now, I think maybe the reason absolutely everything in the past I tried had failed is because I had been trying to lose weight for all of the wrong, though noble, reasons. In 2012 I did well and lost sixty pounds, but it wasn't for me. It was for my son Cole and all he had gone through battling cancer not once, but twice. And like it said, it was noble because he is my world and certainly deserves a commitment like that- not to mention all of the money we raised on his behalf for the Leukemia & Lymphoma Society via our 100 mile bike ride that fall. But the truth is, healthy living, whether it be weight loss, weight maintenance, strength maintenance, etc, needs to be for one's own self. It needs to be for me.... I have to want it and make it happen, because I'm worth it. Because I'm worthy of a commitment.

Something has changed. In me. My mind is so made up. And this is it. This is going to be a life changer. Ever since the conversation between my husband Nathan and his doctor about abusing ourselves via food and unhealthy choices, something has changed. A switch was flipped and I've never been so committed and focused. If you're like me and it seems you've been dealt a tough hand your entire life, you likely spend a great deal of your energy reminding yourself NOT to be a victim of circumstance. 'Be better', you tell yourself. 'Be stronger' 'Make good choices.' 'Rise above.' And you do those things---you think. Until somebody, like Nathan's doctor, makes you understand that while you've managed to achieve those goals in every other facet of your life, your own health does not fall in line. You've victimized yourself and abused your body thanks to your bad choices and complacency. You did that. To yourself. Willingly. Every day for 31 years. And you're closer to the grave sooner for it....

But it's over. It's over now for me. I'm done doing that to my body, I'm done feeling insecure, and I'm done making excuses for my health. I am never going to knowingly be a victim of anyone or anything in my life EVER- including my weight.

Here's to the next seven days of good choices.... Because 6.4 pounds feels pretty damn good- but not as good as hitting my ultimate goal and the good health that comes with it will feel! 


Sunday, February 22, 2015

I Did It!

It can be a strange thing to take a leap of faith in an effort to correct a mistake- especially when you're so afraid that by admitting you failed you're setting yourself up to be a failure forever... But I have. I failed. I admit defeat. And I admit to taking a leap of faith this last week in the hope of correcting it.

This last Wednesday I pulled the trigger. I decided! I faced my fear, admitted the missteps (publicly) of my past, and logged onto my computer.

And joined Weight Watchers.

I've always said that I'm not one for diets. And I'm not. And that's part of what's beautiful about Weight Watchers. There is NOTHING you can't have. Weight Watchers makes it clear that you can eat what you love- but in moderation and with consideration for your other food choices that day and week.

Several of the errors of my way in the past include:
-Not planning my daily meals
-Not spending enough time in my kitchen
-Allowing someone else to do the grocery shopping
-Eating too much
-Not focusing on fresh foods and veggies as the core of my diet
-Not admitting how important it is to get active

Thanks to the #WW change this week, I'm doing ALL of the above again! It's only been a few days, but I'm enjoying getting busy with FOOD again. And, surprisingly, this has been a very easy transition for me...  I'm not finding it difficult to stay within my points thanks to the recipes on the #WW website and the time I spent educating myself on zero point foods. My fridge is FULL of color and I'm thrilled with how I feel! (I'm sure that it helps that I had a yoga class Thursday night for an hour and then we hit the gym on Friday night for an hour as well. Sweat is good!)

My weigh-ins are on Wednesdays, so I'm curious to see what happens this first week... I just FEEL better, so I hope that translates. Wish me luck!

P.S. This happened Saturday. I haven't felt stylish and really beautiful in awhile, but I felt so good in my skin that day. Change is good. I'm excited for the future & my health again!